yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
