Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
