i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She just used a chaser for red wine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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