I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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