Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
