Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
