I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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