fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
