So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
