did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
