she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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