goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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