I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
