I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
