morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
