I CAN MOONWALK!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
