Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Boobs are out for the taking
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
