Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
