do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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