The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
