I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
