I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
