so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
