Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
