those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
