You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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