like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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