Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
