i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
