I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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