just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm at about main and main street
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
