I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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