I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
