No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
