Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
