So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
