Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
