I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
