I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
