So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
