i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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