think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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