so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
