he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Found the puke drawer
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
