a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
