In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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