I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
