Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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