Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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