I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
