My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
