I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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